||[Jul. 18th, 2008|08:16 pm]
wow FUCK YOU GUYS
so much for female companionship or any kind of emotional support, you guys have been ignoring me. Im sad and lonely and tired. And I have no one. I honestly. I want a child, I want to go to a sperm bank and just arrange fertilization. I just want someone in my life. I want a purpose. Everyone else is miles beyond me, actually doing things. And here alone and sad and worst of NO ONE CARES. I tried talk to some guys onlin but they just, they don't care. They just laugh or ignore me like you guys. And so guys dont like me, girls dont like me. Theres no one left for me. Im so afraid of the ftuture and this pain and no one understands how hard this feeling is, how intense I feel these things. And I don't know what to do. And it's making me so paranoid. Like, Im afraid to eat certain foods because Im afraid theyll make sadder or the chemicals in some makeup even if it claims its natural, will make me more irritable or depressed. And this is all I have to do with my time. I have no control over my moods because I have no control over my life. I dont have one, and it kills me everyday because, schools gonna start soon and its gonna be the same old, dumb mean country kids ignore me routine and think about how i was SUPPOSED to be with him during this time. BUT I CANT and that was the only thing I EVER EVER had and its gone and its not gonna happen again anytime soon. and then I have to worry about work and grades and whether or not I can drive myself, because Im still traumatized over that accident and still thinik SO MUCH about him and I cant stop myself and I, I have no distractions beyond this and television and reading and other SOLITARARY ACTIVITIES. I have nothing going on with anyone else. And I cant even have that here. Im lonely, Im afraid. And I don't know why anything is going to be alright. I just want somewhere I can lay my head and be in peace, and it seems like most everyone some small piece of that.
BUT WHATEVER, you guys wont reply, and ill just be the same. I dont know what to do. I never have.
i know how you feel right now, having a baby isnt the right idea... thats just going to make MORE problems. youre thinking of having a baby for the wrong reasons, how do you think your child would feel when you told them "i got pregnant from a sperm donor because i gave up on trying to find someone who loves me, so i had you because you have to love me cause im your mother" that is nt right. give it time, go out. stop trying to find someone online because thats obviously not working for you. stop looking and eventually he will be right there in front of your face. you arent alone... there are plenty of single people out there who have no one too. you just need to get your mind off things, start running -- go to a gym -- walk thru a park -- get a dog... something.
i know you deleted what you replied to me but thats the problem YOU DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS. and you arent going to get any friends spending your time online looking for a new bf. how does talking to people online accomplish anything? your mom wouldnt let you go to a concert with someone you dont know IRL let alone on a vacation. go out and do something and you will make friends. when you have friends and you are happy and confident THEN you will find the right guy. I myself am a hermit and I still manage to have friends, mostly due to my job. you could get a job and meet people!
bb sorry i haven't read lately. anyway.. DON'T have a baby.. i know they're cute and cuddly when they're little but then they get older and become annoying and also it will make you more dependent on your mother than you already are. you need to get out into the world and be independent before you have a baby. theres no need to rush these things. one day you will be married and have a baby and it will be wonderful, don't you think your future child deserves to have parents that are married and a home of it's own? :) btw how are your ~britney abs~ coming along??
I'm sorry bb, I've been away from LJ for a few days. Please don't have a baby just because you're lonely, that's selfish. I mean think about it, can you take care of a baby right now? You need to get out of the house, even if it's just something like going to a gym or taking a walk. Find some sort of activity that you enjoy and can immerse yourself in to help take your mind off him. He's not the one and you've just got to come to grips with that. Seriously, focus on you for now and the right man will come along eventually.
i was wondering, do you like dogs? i know i've read that your mom has a bunch of cats so you're probably familiar with helping take care of animals. maybe you could work at a pet store or maybe walk dogs as a part time job? animals are very, very therapeutic and may help you get over your heartache! :) or if you're interested in babies, maybe you could start babysitting or something similar?
People have been trying and trying to help, offering advice and giving insights, but all you ever do is shrug them off and then be all "please help me." We have been trying to help you, you just aren't taking it. Do you even know anyone on your buddy list? Have you even thought to talk to them and help them with THEIR issues? Maybe no one is helping you because you can't help yourself, you can't help them, and you absolutely refuse to take help when it is offered to you. People can only help so much when all they get in return is rudeness and selfishness. You make everyone feel like their advice isn't good enough for you, so people end up just not giving any advice at all.
I'm sure people would try to help a lot more if you didn't belittle their opinions so much. From what I've seen on your journal, everyone who offered advice was trying to be very tactful and nice and tried to help you get better. But getting better is "So hard in your eyes." How in the world can trying to get better be any harder than what you are going through now? It is your fault that your life sucks now. You make your life hard, and you make everyone else's lives hard too that try to help you. Honestly, telling the only online friends you have to go fuck themselves.
Soon, you are going to end up with no friends at all.
Also, you will suffer more and more as you continue to desperately grasp at this unrequited love.
You better snap into reality real quick before your life will be so far in the gutter that you wouldn't be able to make it better if you tried. Once you have a baby, it will be much much harder for you to find any guy who would be willing to want to deal with that. Ah but wait, you only want the boy you never met before? Right. Good luck with that path. You will only make yourself feel like shit and everyone around you to feel like shit. But I'm sure you don't care how you make other people feel as long as you get what you need, eh?
Change doesn't come from outside, it comes from within. Stop expecting everyone else to make your life good and then getting mad at them when your doesn't suddenly get all nice.
IAWTC it seems like you and I are the only ones who took the "tough love" approach. This girl is immature and needs to stop whining and join the adult ranks where you take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others.
I'm sorry you're so sad. You can't rely on someone else for happiness and purpose ever, whether it be a significant other, friend or child. You need to find YOUR passion and pursue it, and make it happen. And you can also join the grown up world where many of us have to fake it until we make it. If you have a problem making/keeping friends, maybe you should stop blaming others and look within yourself for the cause of the problem. I know this isn't easy to stomach but it's a little thing called tough love. HE is out of the picture. It's you now and if you want control of your life then you need to TAKE control. Life will pass you by if you sit around waiting for it to start without taking the initiative. FIND activities, join a workout class, a knitting club, volunteer for the needy - that might make you stop feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself. I know this is harsh but it seems to me like you need it.
lol, you're a crazy bitch
this made me lol so hard. i really hope this was someone punking LJ & ONTD
I don't have time to deal with your mickey mouse bullshit, I have exams to study for!